PRISMS AND POLKA DOTS

Bless me Father, for I have sinned...........

That's how we Fish Eaters started out our confessions.  Without going into that, the reason I say those words relates to yesterday's blog.

If any of my followers happened to log into Prisms and Polka Dots yesterday and read my words, well, you know the reason for today's opening statement.  Within a half hour of publishing the blog online, I went back in and erased it.  Why?  Because I may have exposed feelings that are better left deep within my heart and soul.  

My readers know that I am very open about my life.  Writing a personal experience blog requires that.  If one writes like I have, for over 15 years now, honesty is first and foremost.  It's easy for me to open my heart and let others in.  You see, my heart has an opening where it was broken.  The sad part is that it keeps on breaking.  

What on earth am I referring to?  Well, let's just say that disappointment ranks high in my life.  All the memes that fly over the wires claim that disappointment is a self-inflicted emotion.  Disappointment is our own fault, because we place too high expectations on others.  We expect them to deal honestly and openly with us, and when they don't, well, something very precious and fragile is destroyed.  That's where I'll end my emotional situation.  I'm very disappointed right now, and it's me who is to blame.  

We're up early this morning, cuz little 4-pound Buffy Boo is coming to stay with us for a few hours.  The text came last evening.  Once again, I told the boyfriend how surreal is it that just when I needed Divine Intervention, the text arrived asking if we would be free to watch her today.  

The sunrise is pretty pink.  The sun has been elusive the last few days, so this new day lifts spirits like a big curly ribbon on a present.  I've always been amazed with gifts that are beautifully wrapped.  It takes special effort to dolly up the package.  Gift-wrapping is another part of our past that is disappearing.  Gift bags are so much easier and take less of our time.  

How about sending Christmas cards?  I stopped doing that.  My messages are sent electronically, which is another change from how it used to be.  But, with postage prices as high as they are, I rather channel that money into something that won't end up in a garbage can.  And, then there are the Christmas letters.  Yes, I used to write one once in a while, but stopped that, too.  Christmas letters are sometimes grandiose letters of braggadocio.  

This is a nostalgic time of year.  There's a lot of thinking back to our Christmases as kids.  We have to be careful that we don't edit them according to our inner wishes.  I wish I had a brain with an on-and-off switch.  

I kinda have to laugh to myself when I think back to the wearing of Covid masks.  such a big arena of contention.  In reality, with Facebook and all the other sources of social media, I'd dare to think that there are more emotional masks worn every day than not.  It's so easy for us to present ourselves to the world through photos and words.  Facebook is the perfect canvas for portraying ourselves one way, when we can be totally opposite.  Humans are cunning, and I'm finding they are also very deceiving by what they say to us and what they don't say to us.