WISHING IT COULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT

Today a flood of childhood memories are crying inside my heart.  As of last night, my earthly role of sister has ended.   Those who know me personally, are aware that life's twists and turns caused me family heartache for years.  My biggest life regret still is not having moved far away from home after graduating.  Perhaps a sea of sorrows could have been averted had I done that.  Isn't it interesting how hindsight doesn't need glasses to see things clearly?

As I'm told, there will be no memorial service.  Times are changing the customs in this regard, and I totally respect each person's last wish.  Some prefer splashy farewells with litany-length eulogies, choirs of angels and full-course meals.  Others less demonstrative may distribute cards with a photo plus a few vital paragraphs summarizing birthplace, family members, occupation and date of departure.  I think it actually might be a fill-in-the-blank kinda thing.  Then there's those who prefer to make their exit unannounced, the memory of them erased like writing on a chalkboard.  

Last night when it came time for me to say my night prayers, it was the first time since Momma taught me to say night prayers that I didn't pray for my brother.  It felt awful, like I was doing something really wrong.  Then I told myself it's time to adapt to the fact that I'm the last one of our family of four left standing.