WHAT WE WATER GROWS

Sometimes it takes a quotation to jog one's mind off its pedestal.  Am I watering the flowers in my life? or the weeds?  

Psychology has always been interesting to me.....our behaviors.....why we act and react as we do.  Why are we like we are?  And, what are we doing to be the best we can be?  

Let's take a look at the four plants above.  Self-love, Worry, Guilt and Anxiety.  Don't think there's a living soul who hasn't or doesn't personally know all four.  I know I sure have.  

Isn't it ironic that the "heroine" of the meme is Self-Love, the flower we tend to water the least.  Why is that?  Each of us will most likely have our own defining answer.  For myself, I'd say that my birth religion pounded into my undeveloped brain the idea that I must put myself last and everyone else before me.  I felt like a sacrificial lamb.  Teach a child that over and over and over and over and over again, and that fertilizer will nourish Worry, Guilt and Anxiety.  Today's post isn't intended to put down any belief system on the planet, but rather, this is how I feel from my own childhood experience.

So, how do we nourish Self-Love?  Well, I'd say by not nourishing Worry, Guilt and Anxiety.  If we don't give them sustenance, Nature will see to it that they droop, dry up and disappear.    

How can we love ourselves without becoming narcissists?

• Stop second-guessing.  Self-doubt is a lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities.  We baby boomers weren't raised in environments conducive to the development of self-confidence.  We were taught to internalize our curiosities and our feelings.
• Do the things one enjoys doing.  We were raised to "always be doing something productive."  Well, after seven decades of "doing something," I'm frickin' ready to sit back and do nothing.  Again, early brain-washing piled onto our little shoulders the heavy bricks of personal responsibility......to a fault.  And, what happens to us when we sit down to relax?  Yup, we feel guilty, like the devil has us in his back pocket.  How absolutely ridiculous is that?  
•  Stop self-criticism.  This only leads to more anxiety.  We have to realize our needs and foster them.  When I look back at my Type A behavior and how hard I worked and pushed myself, I wonder now....what the hell for?  One of these days I'm gonna keel over, they'll put me in the incinerator, then my ashes in a box and that'll be the end of me. 
• Treat oneself with kindness.  This builds inner strength, and lord knows, we need that as much as we need oxygen.
• Take inventory of the things one is passionate about.  Write them down and make use of them.  There is an avenue, a niche, for every single one of our capabilities.  A perfect example is my passion for writing.  For thirty years, I hand-wrote my personal journals in WM spiral notebooks.  Writing down my thoughts was the only way I could empty my personal emotions from inside of me.  I used to call it "puking on paper."  About fifteen years ago I first learned about blogging.  That opened the world for me.  I knew I'd never get a book published, so my blogging has gotten to be my life.  It's the first thing I tend to in the morning, and I never know what I'll write about until I get going.  I also write an article for Venny's monthly newsletter.  I found ways to foster my passion, and without them, I'd feel totally unfulfilled.  We simply have to look for what feels right with us, and then make it happen.  I've learned this is called self-love.
• We can't let our worries control us.  Boy, this is a kicker.  I'm first one to stand on a fence post and shout out my frailty in this department.  I worry about those I love, I worry about the future, I worry about needing a new tooth brush.  The only way I can conquer the beast is by doing things I enjoy......reading, crocheting, coloring, writing, creating, playing word games online, traveling the world via internet, learning........and I can do all these things while sitting in my retirement recliner.  I don't apologize for it, I boast about it.  That's self-love.  I've learned that I cannot allow my worries to rule me.  
• The laws of nature apply to our thoughts, and we must be diligent in what we allow ourselves to think about.  For me, if I watch the evening news, I get upset to the point where it's not good for my physical and mental health.  I must shield myself best I can from that which is detrimental to me.  If the news is on the telly, I put my ear phones in and watch YT videos.  This is self-love. 

Well, I could jabber on until the cows come home, but this must be getting to sound like a mental health class.  Maybe this is a reflection of how hard I've worked my whole life on being okay with what life has flung my way.  It's taken a lot of intestinal fortitude and perseverance on my part.  One time I was told that I must have a horseshoe up my >>>>.  I took that as a lop-sided compliment.  Only I know how hard I worked to keep my personal heartaches to myself.  

Speaking of watering plants.......my herb garden is flourishing from the rain that watered them.  They're proof positive that the picture I posted above is spot on.  If we want our lives to be the best they can be, well, then we'd best get out the personal sprinkling can and drench ourselves with kindness. 

Ta-ta till the morrow.