PIE IN THE SKY

Honestly, I don't fear death as much as I fear losing the gift of life.  Mark Twain's words make perfect sense.  In reality, we die every night when we fall asleep.  One minute we're aware of life, and the next minute we're gone.  

My mother never wanted me to talk about dying.  Once she turned 90, she would talk about when she would "go for pie in the sky."  

Dying is a certainty for every baby that's born.  When I hear about someone going to have a baby, I think about that poor little thing being brought into the world, only to have to wait to one day die.  Oh, I know that sounds terribly negative, but negative thoughts do mingle with the positive, no matter how hard we may try.  It's when we "beat" the negatives that we become optimists.  

None of us knows when our curtain will fall.  We don't have any idea how, when or where we'll meet our last breath.  It's terribly sad when we hear of mass shootings, where a lunatic steals another's precious life.  Doesn't matter the age, cuz life is a life.  Then there's the business of taking one's own life.  How well I know the tragedy of that.....that's something that the human heart can barely endure, and it's something that the human mind cannot ever understand.  When my precious little guy, age 16, put himself in front of a train, well, my world crashed.  But, over time, I came to grips, knowing that he was now free from whatever drove him to that point.  That's what we must do.  Rather than dwell on the why.....we must dwell on our ability to understand.  Resting in peace is far better than living in a private hell.  I write about this, only because I know I'm not the only one who has lived through this godawful human loss.  

Aging is no fun.  We try to make the best of the process, but every day we come closer to that last breath.  That last exhale.  Having been with our parents when they passed away does give one the insight into what's ahead of our own selves.  When my mother was passing away in the rest home, I asked her, "Mom, what is it like to die?"  She whispered, "It's okay."  It wasn't until her final minutes to talk to me about death.

I'm not one to wish my loved ones back.  Rather, my mind rests knowing that they no longer have to endure life's hardships.  Oh, sure, we optimists tend to put our cards on the sunny side of life, but we all know that life is hard in all arenas.  The times of joy are what sustain us and weaponize us to keep fighting our private battles.  My life has been a litany of tough stuff to deal with, and I'm no exception.  Every life has its own trials and tribulations.  There are some who are skilled at painting a glorious picture of their days, their travels, their friendships, their achievements, their this and that........but, it's a facade, it's a tactic to convince.  I don't write this in a snobbish way, but simply talk from my heart.  The sun cannot shine down on only one person all of the time.  It's not possible.  When it rains, it rains on all of us.  When it's sunny, it's sunny for all of us.  All sorts of weather comes and goes......why else would we need meteorologists to tell us what tomorrow's forecast is?  Maybe deep inside of me I have an aversion for braggadocio.  Self-bragging has an unfavorable aroma, one that does not set well with me.  

Am getting my hair cut this afternoon here at Venny's salon.  There's a family reunion and a class reunion coming up in the next couple of weeks.  I can remember back when we girls would buy something new to wear to these events, but that no longer plays a big part in life.  I'm sure there's something in my closet that will work just fine.  Reunions are not style shows, but rather occasions for reuniting hearts....putting forth love to those we have held close over the years.  We are of high school graduating class of 1964, so we'll all be attending this reunion as little old people.  A good number of our classmates have already taken their final breaths, and they will be missed.  Seems our school days were different from today's 2024 classrooms.  We were far less advanced for our age.  It was a different era, before technology.  Typing class was a room full of Royal manual typewriters.  There was no magic correcting tape for erasing errors.  A typing mistake needed to be erased with an eraser.  I feel right at this moment like I'm 100 years old.  Heck, I remember not having running water in the house.  We did have electricity, tho.  

Goodness, my mind is really on a roll.  Have a couple other tasks to do before I trolley to the salon.  The stylist is a sweet young gal, and we have fun talking mainly about her life, her kids and family.  For me, it's interesting to hear what life is like for young parents and the challenges they endure with their teenage children.  The drugs, the booze, the living together, all things that were taboo when we were in high school.  I had my very first alcoholic drink on my wedding night.  My daddy bought it for me at the wedding dance.  He was carrying a tray of mixed drinks to their table.  He looked at me and said, "Here, take one.  You look like you need it!"  Won't ever forget that.